Where the Fuck are You, Spring?

mr_poopyhead
Sitting on my lunchbreak on a really cold and fucking bleak Tuesday, I found a sketchbook from last spring. A nice day: sitting in a cafe’ drinking and eating good stuff, with no annoying music or hipsters to ruin it. Today, I have my pants with the wet cuffs off and am sitting in my underwear hoping no one fucking opens my office door while the “I’m not wearing pants” sign on might sound like an invitation.
mr_shit_face
[General’s Kimberly 9xxB and shitty plastic crayons in a Two Rivers Field Notes.]

The Day the Binkies Went Away.

kraft_binky_boyIGI got my toddler off of binkies lately. It took an hour. A tense fucking hour. Previously, he was generally Binked Out and learned to talk through these things. But then he kept biting them apart. And he has expensive binky taste. So I reasoned with him:

binkies_went_away

Me: Dude. The binkies are gone. But now you can have food and crayons, and I won’t lock you in the bathroom in the dark.
Him: Fuck you, Daddy. Gimme. Iwantmybinky!
Me: No. Pay attention.
Him: No.
Me: Hey! Listen to Daddy!
Him: Fuck you, awhol.
Me: What did you call me?
Him: Daddy, you listen!
Me: Okay, so the binkies are all gone. Sorry, dude. Blame Mommmy.
Him: [Growl]
HIGH FIVE!

Now the binkies are gone, and he won’t. stop. talking. in the car.

First image: Pentel Sign Pen brush tip in Field Notes Snowblind edition.

Second image: Pentel Sign Pen and Forest Choice colored pencils in Kraft Field Notes.

Your Husband Drives Real Fast.

drives_real_fast

So. If you are the kind of creep who acts inappropriately toward married women with kids* and who goes to your job to look for “babes,” maybe you are also the kind of fucking asshole who insults people’s driving and does so when they aren’t around to punch you in your ugly fucking face.

Apparently, this little prick has a problem with the way that I drive and felt the need to bother my wife with it. Sorry I scared you, Little Dude. Next time, just jump in front of the car, and it’ll all be over soon. Sissy.

*More on this later, as this was not my intended introduction to Bradford McDick.

(Caran d’Ache Blackwood on Field Notes Redblooded edition paper.)